When I was first diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, I was shocked. It was good to have an answer to why I was feeling the way I was, but I didn’t know how to process the news. I remember sitting in the psychiatrist’s office, stunned into silence, as she began to explain the first steps in my treatment. A part of me was relieved—an answer, finally!—but the rest of me was completely numb to what she was saying. Continue reading “How do we talk about mental illness?”
She told me I was bipolar because of my blood sugar.
We were sitting in a large cafeteria and the noise of little kids buzzed around us. The place was full of YMCA campers and conference-goers, like me.
“I have Bipolar disorder:”
I can’t say that I know exactly what coming out feels like. I would never presume to think I know all the feelings that go along with something like that, though I do think it incredibly brave.
But I bet it feels vulnerable, which is what I think I can relate to.
How do you feel?
When I’m feeling low, it’s really hard to answer the “How are you?” question. Most people, when they ask that question, are not looking for an actual answer. When the clerk at the grocery store asks me how I’m doing, she doesn’t exactly have the time to hear me list every single one of my problems. She’s paid to swipe my bag of Bolthouse carrots across the scanner—the “How are you?” is just polite. (Duh.) “How are you?” is simply the cultural acknowledgment of another’s existence. But when I’m depressed, being asked that question stings a little.
My husband and I love Amazon Prime. We’d rather push a button and wait for two days for something to arrive at our door than drive fifteen minutes to pick that something up from the store that day.
Once, he decided to get me an Instant Pot for my birthday. (For all of those who don’t know, Instant Pot = amazing.) We joked that we were being too lazy lately, and we decided to actually get up and go to an actual store to buy it. But after going to three stores that were all out of the size we wanted, we ended up typing it in “search” and hitting “buy now.” So much easier! And, voila, we had it in two days just by tapping a few keys on the keyboard. My prediction is that Amazon will one day rule the world and you’ll have me to thank for that.
Sometimes I catch myself imagining prayer to be something like Amazon Prime.